Fish

Status Update


“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic…”
Margaret (The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield)



Thursday, February 21, 2013

No Attachments & Final Arrivals


My Friend posted a group Facebook question from JANUARY 20TH
"If you had a chance to pack your bags and get out of the country fast, "could" you take it? (I say could because people have commitments, family, children, friends, job, etc, etc.)"?

MY REPLY (cuz I found it intriguing & unique):

All of my life I've chosen to Live so as to Travel Light. As strange, 'irresponsible, 'un-american' and odd as it may sound, I have not & do not own any single piece of propery, object etc. valued at more than $5000. I've NEVER purchased anything above this price on credit, or anything that I did not have actual MONEY in/on hand to pay for directly/outright.  This was/is a CONSCIOUS deliberated 'lifestyle' choice on my part.

Regardless of where this reason, insight or foresight may have originated,  it has always carried with it an irrevocable, definitive sense of necessity that resonates throughout my life.  It's a matter of carrying this feeling with you that you must be Ever Ready & Able to pick up, go, get a move on at any given moment  in time, post haste.  I have in fact, moved across country 3 times in my life to a completely unknown place, having nothing ready or awaiting me, with no  more than a suitcase of my belongings (and at times 1 or both of my children) in tow.  Despite this, I've set firmly set down good, solid, stable roots repeatedly, in many places.


As far as those 'pesky details' that would seem to hinder most rational 'normal' people - commitments, family, children, friends, job - I can say that for me they only strengthen the nature and depths of these bonds.  I can truly say that possing little of financial or physical worth by traditional standards has in no way lessened the worth of value or quality of my life. Cliche as it may sound, my life IS blessed rich, I would trade nothing for what I have, and would live it all over again in exactly the same way. 


More even then all this & not of small consequnce, a delightfully unexpected hidden treasure has come to light in these now middle years of my life.  I have discovered by some unknown Saving Grace, the Purpose for and Path to which this meandering life of sometimes seemingly brazenly risky, uncertain & unsecure choices was meant to carry & deliver me to. And even more beautifully, that it was all in preparation for and a requirement of  my arrival to this specific Place in Time

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Themes That Surface Repeatedly


This is from One of My Blog Posts In 2007 that Popped Back Up Recently and which I've found is still Valid Right Here - Five Years Later. Just goes to show when something is 'A Truth', it's Stands in Time!


Everything I've ever known can be boiled down to this and these are what make up my truth as I know it at this moment in time.  The first five are required to access the last four.  More than all the rest, if I continue to return here, and keep these things at the forefront, I will be able to, most of the time, walk the path of my spirit.

Faith
Knowing I won't be hurt by any of this
Trusting in some thing much more vast than I am or can ever even begin to fully comprehend
Knowing if today is hard, tomorrow or the next day will be right
Letting go
Loosing my hold on my 'story' and letting it be only that
Relinquishing my death grip on the handles of my fear
Give up mental gymnastics
Always keep stepping out over and falling back into the abyss
Accepting my humanity
Means knowing some times I will be weak, sometimes I will slip and falter and sometimes my spirit will shine through with brilliant light and I need to be ok with all of these
Accepting responsibility
No more fear based avoidance
It must no longer hold a threat for me
It is the foundation of my power
Without it I am no one, nothing and nowhere but lost
Living from the place of spirit
Using both my mind and my spirit to walk the path

Free Will
Understanding that all of the above are what make it up, and are the only way to it
God will take the back seat for as long as we let him
It can be fully utilized only if we are willing to relinquish, surrender and succumb when necessary
It is so much more and so much less than most people ever realize
Power
Its real and its also an illusion
When I own it there is no need to fear it
It's part of me, not something separate
It is within me and also has a separate, conscious source
With great Power comes great Responsibility
I have to see, accept and respect all its aspects before I can stand in it
Energy
It is a by-product not the means
It is the interface with the Divine and the Field
It is a tool
It is both everything and nothing
If I own it, I won't hurt myself or anyone else
Without it, I have no connections to anything
I have to understand it in order to be responsible within it
Whatever I find it to be is only a smidgen of its totality
It is the most powerful force in the universe at the place where it meets the Divine
It is always with me and can bring me into direct contact with my spirit and the Divine
Inner and Outer Connectedness of all things
It is the Field
I can tap into and access all that I will ever need with it
It can be accessed via proper application of all of the above
Like energy it contains vast power
It is a manifestation of Divinity
It will carry and supports me always
It will catch me always
Energy is but one of its components
It is vast and all encompassing beyond any level of human comprehension
We gain access to it by the grace of God and through the path of our spirit
It is where we are meant to live our lives from

Bodhisattva Vow Lyrics - Beastie Boys

As I Develop The Awakening Mind I Praise The Buddha As They Shine
I Bow Before You As I Travel My Path To Join Your Ranks,
I Make My Full Time Task
For The Sake Of All Beings I Seek
The Enlighted Mind That I Know I'll Reap
Respect To Shantideva And All The Others
Who Brought Down The Darma For Sisters And Brothers
I Give Thanks For This World As A Place To Learn
And For This Human Body That I'm Glad To Have Earned
And My Deepest Thanks To All Sentient Beings
For Without Them There Would Be No Place To Learn What I'm Seeing
There's Nothing Here That's Not Been Said Before
But I Put It Down Now So I'll Be Sure
To Solidify My Own Views And I'll Be Glad If It Helps
Anyone Else Out Too
If Others Disrespect Me Or Give Me Flack
I'll Stop And Think Before I React =
Knowing That They're Going Through Insecure Stages
I'll Take The Opportunity To Exercise Patience
I'll See It As A Chance To Help The Other Person
Nip It In The Bud Before It Can Worsen
A Change For Me To Be Strong And Sure
As I Think On The Buddhas Who Have Come Before
As I Praise And Respect The Good They've Done
Knowing Only Love Can Conquer In Every Situation
We Need Other People In Order To Create
The Circumstances For The Learning That We're Here To Generate
Situations That Bring Up Our Deepest Fears
So We Can Work To Release Them Until They're Cleared
Therefore, It Only Makes Sense
To Thank Our Enemies Despite Their Intent
The Bodhisattva Path Is One Of Power And Strength
A Strength From Within To Go The Length
Seeing Others Are As Important As Myself
I Strive For A Happiness Of Mental Wealth
With The Interconnectedness That We Share As One
Every Action That We Take Affects Everyone
So In Deciding For What A Situation Calls
There Is A Path For The Good For All
I Try To Make My Every Action For That Highest Good
With The Altruistic Wish To Achive Buddhahood
So I Pledge Here Before Everyone Who's Listening
To Try To Make My Every Action For The Good Of All Beings
For The Rest Of My Lifetimes And Even Beyond
I Vow To Do My Best To Do No Harm
And In Times Of Doubt I Can Think On The Dharma
And The Enlightened Ones Who've Graduated Samsara 

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Sins of The Father


In most cases, when parents have the concern or issue of passing the 'Sins of the Father' onward to their children, we usually think in terms of the negative aspects of our human nature, our weaknesses, sins, vices, low morals and even depravity at times.  In these cases, we try to resist wallowing in the accesses of flesh and desire.  But what of the cases where the 'Sins' are turned inside out and back upon ourselves?  When wallowing is the furthest thing from out minds and instead, we find ourselves in a constant state of vigilance against and at times even at war with, the Frailty that is at the very core of the nature of Humanity itself.  What is one to do, when the  sin you carry  to which you cannot succumb, are that one  thing which, as a human being,  you can also never truly overcome?

What happens when a parent sets the things for his childs grasp always just a bit outside his reach, so that he will stretch, so that he will test, find and know his limits?  Head and Shoulders above words and lessons, a parents actions lived across the childs lifetime become a role model that indoctrinates that childs mind and being more steathily and surely than any other possible influence in their lives.  Those things that happen to us in our childhood are either what we become or what we over come.  It all comes down to one or the other.

Speaking to myself,  I now see the 'Sins of My Father', how I  got here, what was role modeled and laid out before me.  I know why I cannot forgive myself the fraility and weaknesses of my humanity, why I hate and fight at their existance so in me.  I also know how to still at the same time, love and honor myself, most of the time.  But my point here is this, even with this understanding, I still fight this demon and I do see now it is a demon, a weakness and a 'sickness' made no more noble than sins of the flesh, simply because I am holding myself up to a 'higher' calling or 'standard' .  Just because you sacrifice yourself upon an alter of your own making, it does not necessarily make that alter more worthy or valuable to you.

Does the child,  grown to  a young man,  rail against what he is not, becaause he thinks, knows he is good enough to be, should be that thing he yearns for,  here and now, becaue he is ready for it to be part of,  or to let it go from,  his life?  Or is he simply imitating the actions of the Father modeled for him over all those years?

Do the 'Sins of the Father' sound like this?
"You can be more, you can do more, you should do more, show me more, give me more, you are more,  try harder, reach further, do better, Always Be More"
And Then -
"I can be more, I should be more, I should have been more, I could have been more, I will be more, I will do more, I will become more, I will not be silent and still"

Ultimately, though there is no personal payoff in mayterdom or self-flaggelation, it only leads us as this has, in circles.  For I was that child upon whom the 'Sins of the Father' were perpurtrated, and I am that parent who has in turn, purpurtrated those same 'Sins' and I now have children whom I must watch in their own daily rituals of self-torture, and it has taken this, sadly, all, for me to see things clearly.  My self crucifxition and the mirror image I now encounter daily in my children as they do the same, does Nothing to bring us closer to Who, What and Where we want to be.  It Serves No Purpose, save perhaps other than to present a distraction from the real work that lay at hand  before each of us.  And maybe that was the point all along. 

For I Believe Everything Here Returns to That One Simple Statement:

 "Those Things That Happen To Us In Our Childhood Are Either What We Become Or What We Over Come"

I now see that this is what it has always been about.  It's about how long it takes for us to actually grasp this concept in our lives, to feel the truth of it.  Then it is about how long it takes for us to decide which parts we want to be and which parts we want to overcome or let go of.  Once we are able to do that, there are no more  "Sins Perpertrated', because we carry no more sins within.  The Cycle is then broken, Our Reach Finally Meets Our Grasp and We Are Freed!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

My Final Arrival

I have it seems, finally arrived after having spent the years from the ages of 15 to 44 in one sort of waiting/holding pattern or another.  My current spiritual & mystic level has brought me to a place I never dreamed I would reach, Complete Understanding, or at the Very Least with the Tools to attain something near to it,  and simply for  the asking to boot!. Imagine my surprise to discover we were meant to take that ancient statement “Ask and You Shall Receive” Literally!
These things  were not, however, the marker that notified me of my arrival at my Long Awaited Destination. Instead it was this at first subtle shift , that I am able to feel within, ‘My Sense of Self’, as it were.  I am no longer  ‘becoming’, but have now ‘become’. I am no longer stuck ‘being’, in a place which I cannot wait to escape, but am  finally, after all of this time, ‘Doing’ and the experience of it is unbelievably Fantastic!!  I can feel with each application and use of my new attributes and abilities, their perfect fit and match to what I know I was created and meant to be and do. 
For the first time in my entire existence, I know that all of “Me” is in the right places, every part of what I am fits together exactly as it is supposed to.  I am much to my joy and amazement, a fully Functioning, Real, Articulated Human Being,  something I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing in my life before this. First the Huge, Gaping Wound at the Center of My Being was Closed. Then I came to know myself as a Whole and Complete Person. And now it seems the Engine has Finally Fired Up and here I am, Toddling out on my own just in time to participate in the Birth of an Entirely New World, as it unfolds all around me.  I carry this sense of ‘Rightness’ within myself not previously present, and  when I act  it is with knowledge and purpose.  I am now engaged and connected to all that I see and know and encounter, to all of that which exists around me, no longer residing in a state of isolated separateness, instead I am fully Integrated and Connected to All That Is.
And I gotta say, The Whole Thing is Pretty Frickin’ Kewl!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Parenting Indigo Children - Integrity & Consistancy 101


Parenting in General and also Parenting an Indigo (or any other Special & Unique) Child always carries it's own Situational Challenges, as most parents are all to aware. My first challenge overall is remembering 'Not to Take or Make it Personal' between them and myself. My second issue, specifically in relation to  Parenting an Indigo Child, is to remember that sometimes they do think, communicate and behave as others their age do, Imagine That?? :oD Who'd of Thought, huh?



In regards to the first challenge of Parenting In General, 'Not Taking It Personally', I have to say I've found many other parents in the same boat with me and this is one of the first things I work on with Parents who are having 'communication' issues with their children.  I've identified several factors that appear to contribute to this situation.


  • As working, career minded working adults, we spend a good majority of our time in professional or occupational environments, interacting with our peers.  There are work & social standards & guidelines that are a given, which we follow on a daily basis without much thought; these standards of communication and behavior are pretty much a 'given'.  When we come home however, we must 'switch gears' as it were, thereby entering into an entirely different mode of not only communication and behavior, but alternative thought processes as well.  In truth, this 'switch' applies to all parents, regardless of their state of employment, because what we are really speaking of here are those 'Socially expected and acceptable behaviours across all levels of our lives.  When our children behave in ways that are rude, unappreciative, ungrateful, thoughtless, inconsiderate and generally self-serving, it can be extremely difficult to practice situational detachment by taking an emotional step back for an objective viewpoint.
When Parenting an Indigo Child, many times as parents we find ourselves in 'Uncharted Territories', with us following our Indigo's lead, rather than Vice Versa. These children fill our lives with wonder and awe, simply by being who they are and doing the things that they are so amazingly capable of doing. At times however, all that 'Specialness' goes out the window and they act like, well, just like 'normal' kids do and does it ever throw me for a loop!! Right about the time you get used to and accept 'Odd, Unexpected and Unbeleivable' as 'Common Place' and the 'New Norm', they go and behave like regular garden variety kids.  Rather than practicing maturity, responsibility, communication and actions beyond their age, they throw you for a complete loop by acting & behaving the way we did as kids. Oh My!! I've noticed with my Indigo's some contributing factors in trying to figure out how to handle these flipping of the switches.

  • These behavior changes seems to happen after a steady or sudden period of growth or an  intense utilization of their gifts and abilities beyond the norm for them. 
  • When they have been sick with a cold or flu, or have been isolating themselves over a period of time.
  • When they feel unheard, misunderstood, overlooked or unappreciated.
  • When they feel as though they have been backed into a corner, losing their sense of power and control over either themselves, their abilities, social interactions, or their home life in general.
  • Sometimes it's as if they just 'Need' to 'Act' like a 'Normal' kid for awhile. I've observed that this is the Indigo's form of 'Blowing off Steam', odd though it may seem/sound to us.
In both cases I've found that calmly (and objectively) indentifying the behavior in question, setting agreed upon boundaries and in certain cases letting the child take the lead in 'Problem Resolution' can go a Long Way very Quickly, at least in our home.  
Lots of Deep Breaths, walks around the block together and seperately do amazing things for objectivity and creative conflict resolution. 
Best of Luck and Remember Above All Else to Maintane Respect, Objectivity and Consideration on All Levels, While Always Acting With and Out of Love for Each Other Above All Else!

Namaste!




Monday, February 27, 2012

Merkaba As The Path of Asencion - Link

 It was only a few short years ago that I felt myself to be arrogant and audacious to presume to have the spiritual intent to attain ascension within this lifetime.  Time, Space and Energy made quick work of me over a very short period of time, so that I now feel that with a carefully followed path and purpose, this may be a realistic possibility for me with in this life time. Indeed, I now see I have ONLY this lifetime to accomplish this, practice and parlor games are done and I will not have another 'Do-Over'.  It's here and now, or never for me.

And lo and behold, I came across the following video, once again being lead down my chosen path by my 'Sophia' to who I am literally eternally grateful! It is my hope that others will find their way in this as I now have.



May you find and enter your own Merkaba in this way! Watch Merkaba Video Here

MY SHOT AT WISDOM

MY SHOT AT WISDOM

JANUARY 8TH, 2011
The man who has not discovered the mystic within is liken to a man lost in a dry desert with no life saving water in sight.

November ‎8, ‎2011
The only Faith a Man need have is Faith in his Own Self

January ‎15, ‎2012
For those who Believe, no explaination is needed. For thos who do not Believe, no explaination is sufficient

Sunday, ‎January ‎15, ‎2012
Everyone thinks god is here to answer all our prayers & Save Us. No. god is here to help us learn to stand on our own.  Our prayers don't go unanswered, they get 'Prioritized'. It is in those moments that we become strong and god is there to do the heavy lifting when we need it most.  I cannot think of a single thing done alone that I was not strong enough to bare.and I know the impossible things that would be left undone had I been carrying the weight on my own. Nothing is ever left unanswered; God will always be found in those empty places of space which we ourselves cannot fill.

Thursday, February 9, 2012
We either Become or Overcome those things that happen to as Children.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's All About Perception


I’ve realized of late that everything comes down to Perception.  Our Choices, Actions & Relationships all hang in the balance set by perception.  Truly understanding what this means in your life can be incredibly freeing and at the same time incredibly frustrating, due to its sometimes arbitrary nature.

When I first accepted as fact that nothing I can say or do for another can fix/resolve their issues, bring them happiness or allieve their unhappiness, I felt free and unfettered in my relationships, as never before.  I do not mean by this statement that I no longer felt an obligation, or desire to provide support to those around me, only that I felt released from the chains of emotional obligation that have bound me to the people in my life, especially those closest to me.

The freedom I felt came because I was finally able to separate my emotional state of being and sense of obligation from the emotional state and condition of others. I accepted my complete powerlessness to create or engender resolutions/fixes in the lives of those around me, particularly when based on My Perceptions of them and/or their issues/situation.  For the first time, the sense of an obligation to intervene and in someway negotiate or mitigate others problems, issues or emotional state of mind/being was lifted from me. I stopped attempts at maneuvering, manipulating and creating what I WANTED for them.  Instead of trying to mold, fit MY PERCEPTION of a solution into something they could relate to and as such integrate/implement, I let go of “MINE” and entered into “THEIRS
 I do not mean to imply a defeatist/nihilist state of mind or being by this, that anything I might say or do would be pointless and as such I would do nothing.   I simply reached the understanding that anything I might put forth as a solution/resolution based on MY PERCEPTIONS, MY personal experiences will not be affective; because no one else is me, because it is impossible to ever truly know another mans heart and mind.  I no longer believe that I have the answer or indeed, any answers, rather I try to listen and understand the other persons PERSPECTIVE/PERCEPTIONS.  Any support or assistance I do provide to others will be that which THEY seek or chose, and only after I have first taken the time to step into THEIR world.

I accepted all of this with ease, grateful that the scales had been lifted from my eye. AS a result of this I and have enjoyed a huge improvement in my relationships, particularly those nearest me.  The possibility of a darker side to accepting this “I have my Perception, You have Yours, Whets Relevant to me May not be Relevant to You” did not occur to me. This is because I always assume that others will act in good faith, treating me as I have treated them, but in the end no one is actually obligated to step into the others shoes and whether or not to take another’s “Perception”, perspective into consideration is a personal and non-binding choice. 
It seems as though I’m late to the party, as usual.  Apparently the majority of people already know that its all about Perception, believe that every man is a separate individual who can never know the mind of another and  that we are under no obligation to walk in anyone else’s shoes, feeling no sense of personal accountability or obligation to the consideration  of any perspective other than their own.  Not only this, but it seems that MANY people are singly incapable of even understanding any perspective other than their own, let alone putting that of someone else’s before their own.  Until very recently, I thought that many of the bloodiest wars were fought because of Religion, now I see that in truth all of it has always been about nothing more than PERCEPTION and an inability to see anything from any position other than ones own PERSPECTIVE.

Whether people realize or accept it, the truth is that more and more, we live in a Quantum World & Reality. 
There is no Me THAN You, Us and Them, Mine and Yours.  As any Physicists worth his quantum salt will tell you, There Is No Observer & Observed, There is No Definitive or Arbitrary Line of Separation, No Corner, Piece or Section of the World that We can Wall off in which We May Stand Apart, Isolated, Unaffected and Untouched.  No Matter Where We Go, There We All Are.  If Everyone in the World familiarized themselves with and lived by the fundamentals of Quantum Theory We as a Race would be able to make ‘Quantum” Leaps forward in the evolution & Longevity of Humanity.  As we stand on our self-made Islands, looking out from our own Perception & Perspective, we have conditioned ourselves to believe that this Freedom of the Individual thru Personal Choice is the purpose of and how we exercise our birth right of ;Free Will’.

Most of us are satisfied with this simple, self-gratifying definition and way of existence.  The majority have no idea that this is only “Free Will for Kindergartners” and that the Truth is so much more amazingly vast and far reaching, bur can not be entered into until one is ‘Willing” to “Free” oneself from the restraints of Separateness and begin the practice of ‘Merging’.  The first step in this process of Freeing Oneself is embarked upon when we ARE able to step outside of our own Perceptions and step into those of others around us.  It’s the difference between looking thru the lenses of a camera and thinking what u see there comprises all that there is to be seen, and expanding your range of sight by removing the camera from your line of vision. I believe my practice of this wider state of vision will begin to engender the same in those around me, and that my experiences with others will continue to broaden  the  depth and nature of those relationships, 

Remembe, No Man is an Island, When You Find Those Who Do Not Know This, Show Them The World, Through Their Own Eyes!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Free Will and Parenting

Recently I've been giving thought to how to raise kids by giving them respect and freedom of personal choice, to the degree that is appropriate to their age and maturity (wherein of course, lies the sand trap). We so often hear that we are supposed to treat our children with the same consideration and respect that we expect from them and others. I couldn't agree more however, however, that isn't done by giving children free reign with out appropriate limitations, boundaries or knowledge of their situation. The respect isn't found so much in what is or isn't said, but in the quality of our presence when we are with our children. Being who I am, when faced with the question of where those freedoms and limitations lay, I of course, led myself straight off to an analogy involving God and our interactions with him, as his 'children'. Don't ask me why. It may be "my" head, "my" thought process, etc. but god definitely has a hand at the rudder and I've learned my life functions best when I go with the (his, whatever) flow. Which is a good segue, actually. See how that works?

Just like God at the Helm and just like our freewill (which is one of the most gracious, ingenious, awe inspiring of gifts), We as parents need to be at the helm, in different forms, at different times to guide our children. And then too, the hardest part, is that ultimately, no matter how well meant our intentions, no matter how correct in function and application our logic is (or would be, if only they would listen), we have to be constantly aware that although they may indeed be our children, they do not belong to us. I know, I know heresy, how can I say that, right? I mean, it at least seems like they do or should, for all the hard work and effort we put into making sure they turn out "good or right". But the thing is, there's no 'loophole' in Gods contract with us. If we, as grown, self sustaining adult human beings have the blessing of freewill, that’s all and good, but guess what? Just like we have always had that blessing, from our first breath upon this earth and probably well before that, so too do our own children. And as any parent of a child older than 2 years of age will tell you, we KNOW this. Even if we don't WANT to know it, or wish to acknowledge it, our children make sure they get the message across load and clear.

The thing is, when you take a step back and for even just a moment let go of your child, let go of your intentions, wishes, desires, hopes for him, then step back into your own childhood mind, to the you who was, before all of this business of living created what you are today, you are offered this rare glimpse of the universal perspective or truth, that shapes us all. What is the strongest energy, thought or feeling that you remember? I'd bet anyone, anywhere, from any time, any place, any family situation, if they are able to be completely honest with themselves will say, it was a feeling of wanting to be free to control your own world. It may come in many different shapes, sizes, boxes, insights etc., but boiled down to the most basic, elemental drive it was a desire to make your own choices. It may have come in the form of at the age of 2, wishing everyone would quit making you wear clothing, and stripping at every opportunity. It may have been being able to never, ever, not even one more time, have to eat broccoli. Maybe you were extremely cognizant and simply felt that all this being a kid, following everyone else's program, rules etc., was just such a colossal waste of your very important time, because you already knew you had things to do and places you needed to be. Can you take a minute and try this, I mean really truly go back to that earliest place of conscious memory and see if this isn't "God's" Honest Truth.

Once I was able to realize all of this and really truly put myself back there, I was then able to come back to my relationship with my children with a genuinely Brand New Perception. Of everything I've ever done as a parent, more than the diapers, the vomit, the worries over their emotional state and well being, the disobedience and yucky task of practicing discipline with myself and them, more even than trying to help them to see that every single thing I do, say and enforce, is there to help and protect them, way beyond all of that, the hardest thing I've had to do, over and over and over, is to let go of them, a little bit at a time, and acknowledge that they are their own person no matter what I say or do and have an existence completely separate from me. At times it feels as if your heart is being ripped from you, and you can't articulate past that huge lump in your throat. It inspires a feeling beyond any of the pain, fear or terrors you've gone thru with your child to date, because it means you have to admit they've been growing up, apart and away from you, from the moment you gave birth, and there is not one single thing, on this entire planet, that you can do to stop or change that. And to top that off, if you are to be a "good" parent and do your job, you're supposed to be facilitating the process for them. Isn't that a #@$%^?

Which lead me back to god and our mutual relationship. Unlike us, with specific, somewhat controllable parameters and numbers, god has children to infinity and back again, to take thru that same process, again and again. And if we are to be honest, we all at one point or another (just like our own children) fight him tooth and nail, make him more or less drag us kicking and screaming to wherever or whatever it is we are meant to be here for, to do with this lifetime. The thing is, the dynamic between us and god and between us and our children is the same. We know our children inside and out, they came from within us, they were one and the same as us for a short amount of time. If we are open minded and hearted, ask our children or even just watch and listen to them, we can see where they want to go. And because we know them so well, if they would just slow down a bit, listen to some of our very hard earned wisdom, we could help guide them, support them on their way to wherever it is THEY, want to go, what they wish to become.

Thing is, you have to practice the same act in your own personal relationship with your creator. You have to be willing to let go, and give over your own will to god's, in the spirit of complete trust and confidence, with the simple knowing faith (yup the "F" Word) that he knows exactly where you want to go and if you'll just let him, will help you realize your intentions, destination thru the least painful and most direct route. You have to come to a point were you realize god has no desire to MAKE you do, be or go anywhere that you do not choose to go. Hence the Free Will part. The relinquishing of your will to his does not mean you are no longer responsible for or creating your own existence. You are not succumbing to some pre-ordained, choice less existence, not even close. When you accept and allow divine guidance and yes, occasionally intervention in your life, you are actually saying "yes"! At full volume to the entire universe. You know, as human beings we have access to this incredible gift and opportunity to put ourselves and our lives under divine protection and blessing, if only we are willing to listen, look for and receive it gracefully.

The thing you will discover once you truly do this, make this commitment to allow divine protection and intervention in your life, everything, every single moment in your life going forward is altered. You will find that one of the things that will change the most noticeably and almost effortlessly (for me at least) is, come on you already feel the truth in your heart as you sit there reading this, your relationship with your children. Funny thing is, when you give up the need to impose your will on everything around you, and instead become willing to simply let things be and go at their natural pace and development, everything begins to come to you in a way that seems somehow to be right and to fit with your chosen direction you wish your life to proceed in. For me, I began to find that instead of feeling this almost panicky need to enforce my will, my picture, my intentions, my anything on my children, I felt more at ease with just stepping back a little more and seeing what they were going to do on their own in any given situation. Rather than telling them what they should, needed, absolutely must do (because their whole lives would be messed up from that point out if they didn't, right?), I realigned my perception of who my children are, what they are capable of and above all, what was most important to them in their lives. I began to listen, ask and discover what they believed in, what they thought their strengths were. I went from telling them what they should believe in and live by, to asking them what they believed and how they wanted to live their lives.

The most amazing part of the whole process was the incredible dialog that has been established between my children and I. When I finally stopped long enough to ask them what they knew and believed in, I had some of the most deep, intriguing, intellectually stimulating conversations I've ever had in my entire life, bar none. I ended up finding out that although we sometimes see things differently, underneath those things, these were the children I'd always hoped I'd raise. They turned out to already be thoughtful, insightful, to have a fully developed and intact moral code of ethics they lived by and a built in radar for sensing any thing "out there" that doesn't align with their needs or was bad, dangerous or unhealthy for them. Go figure, I was actually doing the right things this entire time and all I had to do was trust that what I had tried to teach them, pass down to them was indeed being received.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Physics of Faith

A friend recently commented in an email that “actually life is easy to figure out, we are born, we live, we die. The journey from life to death is what defines us, in one aspect”. He did mention a few other things as well, and I knew his statement to be true , yet I felt myself bristle at it, because like many people I want, need to believe that our existence goes beyond that and has a much larger ripple effect in the overall stream of time. In my experience there are two kinds of people (although there are numerous labels), those that have a set of beliefs that require a measure of faith and those who believe only in that which can be rationally, logically defined and proved.

We as human beings have an unparalleled ability to explain, rationalize, intellectualize and justify almost any action, belief set, philosophical position, etc. It’s what we do in order to create a personal reality in which to live, everyone does it to varying degrees and some of us are better at it then others. I’m a dreamer, I’m oblivious to many of the things around me, most of the time. I live in the abstract, I rarely plan in advance and tend to make choices on a whim, I’m unorganized and easily distracted. I also happen to excel at putting the best possible “spin” on anything, at being able to see exactly where a person stands and give the exact “logical, rational argument” that person needs to hear. My key phrase (before I became ethical) whenever a friend got into a “situation” was, “You Can Turn This Around”, and using my words, they usually did. Everything about my nature (I’m a Pisces, if you’re into that sort of thing) says I wouldn‘t be expected to be the type of person prone to logical deduction and rationalization, but I am. I’m not sure why this is so, yet there it is. This ability, by the way, has earned me many excellent jobs and got me out of quite a few jams in the past!

I’m personally of the belief that we people of faith in the “unknowable” are better at logical, rational argument then those of the “believe only in what you can define and prove ” school. It’s much more difficult to define and argue for the existence of something intangible than the things you can see, touch and hold. Often times the arguments of the latter consist of simply pointing out the formers’ lack of proof. I’ve yet to hear an atheist, agnostic or nihilist prove that God, a Creating Force, Spiritual Energy, Universal Laws, Transmigration of the Soul or anything else that can’t be seen, doesn’t exist. I believe with the recent advent of completely new theories in Quantum Physics the old “if you can’t see it and measure it, it doesn’t exist” argument will no longer be valid.

This is because String Theory has been given a new life in the last 3 or 4 years, with the merging of two different schools of thought finally agreeing on the existence of an 11th dimension. The work already done and in progress on the ‘M’ theory has convinced Quantum Physicists that the only practical, logical, even possible way to have a unifying Theory of Everything is to accept the existence of an entire dimension of existence that we cannot see, measure, quantify or in anyway prove definitively. This is the sole hypothesis that can be logically, mathematically resolved, that doesn’t fall apart when you get to the beginning of our universe and can only be defined and “proved” on paper. Right now, this theoretical membrane (Branes) and the particles or waves or even pieces of as yet unknown matter that are thought to make up this 11th dimension are so miniscule we have nowhere near the technology to measure or quantify it. They believe within this 11th dimension are uncountable multiverses, from which an occasional new universe is created, quite separate from our own. It is thought that this other dimension and its membrane exists so close to our own dimensional space that it is closer to us then a breeze as it passes over our skin. It is all around us and touches us, even though we are completely unaware of its existence. To me, perhaps because of my own personal beliefs, this sounds an awful lot like spirit. I’m curious to see how detractors of the unseen will overcome this hurdle. Will they say that despite the mathematical validity of the ‘M’ theory, the worlds physicists are wrong because the ‘Branes’ and matter of ‘M' theory are not visible at this 11th dimension level? Is the theory to become doomed and thrown out, simply because it cannot, at this at this time, be visibly observed, manipulated and made manifest in our own 3 dimensional world?

The argument could made that , if we believe in the validity of the ‘M” theory, even though this 11th dimension cannot be seen and measured, then could we not also believe in the validity of the existence of God, a Creating Force, Spiritual Energy, Transmigration of the Soul, all the unseen etcs, that also cannot be seen and measured? And I’m sure, were this argument used, there are those who would say, “but that’s different, ‘M’ theory, if not provable in reality, at least has a mathematical leg to stand on, as it were“. There would also be those who would say by it’s own definition ‘M’ theory gives credence to the scientific version of the beginning of existence, the Big Bang, automatically canceling out any claims of divine creation or a creating intelligence, energy or force.

Being the consummate rationalist that I am, I would of course, beg to differ. When people who believe in some type of intelligent or divine design to the universe speak of the origins of our existence, they use words like creating, energy, force or some derivative, depending on your specific set of spiritual beliefs. Conversely, not only are these the very words that are fundamental to Physics, they ARE Physics. I see no dilemma here, no division of faith and science whatsoever. It appears to me that they are one and the same. If you use the exact same words to define two seemingly different “objects”, there’s a very good chance they aren’t actually two separate things at all. More likely, they are two aspects or even two views of the same thing. Again, much like the experience in physics where depending on the observer, either particles of waves may be observed in the exact same experiment. That is just the tip of the iceberg. The more closely I follow anything Quantum, the more parrallels I see to things of a spiritual nature as well the functions of day to day life. Quantum Physics is life, its like a road map to our existance, on both a micro and macro scopic level.

Science seeks to define the fundamental nature of all that we know to exist , via the identification and understanding of the underlying bits and pieces that form that existence. Religion, Philosophy, even non-religious based spiritual beliefs and practices are attempts to do the same. No matter how microscopically small Science is able to break down the elements of physical existence, they now know that there is a level of existence that is unseen, immeasurable and as a result, will on some level, most likely remain unknowable. In both camps, in order to continue, a leap of faith must be made. I think both are putting their faith in the exact same thing. Having the science to “prove” the Big Bang started the universe negates nothing. it’s about recognizing that no matter how small you go or how far back in time you reach, there is still some kind of creating energy that is the originating source of our existence as we know it. Scientists can call it the Big Bang , via the ‘M’ theory and all the schools of thought on the other side of the fence can call it by whatever name is appropriate to their dogma, but in my opinion, its all the same source.

I believe we do a disservice to ourselves, to our children whom we pass the future to and even our creator by squabbling amongst ourselves over our origins and matters of faith, whether it be faith in the existence of some metaphysical soup of creation, faith in a divine, intelligent creator or faith in a set of cosmic laws that govern our existence. On the surface it may seem as if this is all very important because it defines what we believe, but in reality, in the every day business of living, isn’t how we believe, how we put our specific brand of faith to practice, that really matters most of all? Buddhists used a koan about the finger pointing at the moon. It teaches to guard against mistaking the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself. It seems to me we would all be well served to remember this and make sure it is the moon we worship and defend so hotly, and not some stray finger we’ve allowed to obscure our vision.