The Sins of The Father

In most cases, when parents have the concern or issue of passing the 'Sins of the Father' onward to their children, we usually think in terms of the negative aspects of our human nature, our weaknesses, sins, vices, low morals and even depravity at times.  In these cases, we try to resist wallowing in the accesses of flesh and desire.  But what of the cases where the 'Sins' are turned inside out and back upon ourselves?  When wallowing is the furthest thing from out minds and instead, we find ourselves in a constant state of vigilance against and at times even at war with, the Frailty that is at the very core of the nature of Humanity itself.  What is one to do, when the  sin you carry  to which you cannot succumb, are that one  thing which, as a human being,  you can also never truly overcome?

What happens when a parent sets the things for his childs grasp always just a bit outside his reach, so that he will stretch, so that he will test, find and know his limits?  Head and Shoulders above words and lessons, a parents actions lived across the childs lifetime become a role model that indoctrinates that childs mind and being more steathily and surely than any other possible influence in their lives.  Those things that happen to us in our childhood are either what we become or what we over come.  It all comes down to one or the other.

Speaking to myself,  I now see the 'Sins of My Father', how I  got here, what was role modeled and laid out before me.  I know why I cannot forgive myself the fraility and weaknesses of my humanity, why I hate and fight at their existance so in me.  I also know how to still at the same time, love and honor myself, most of the time.  But my point here is this, even with this understanding, I still fight this demon and I do see now it is a demon, a weakness and a 'sickness' made no more noble than sins of the flesh, simply because I am holding myself up to a 'higher' calling or 'standard' .  Just because you sacrifice yourself upon an alter of your own making, it does not necessarily make that alter more worthy or valuable to you.

Does the child,  grown to  a young man,  rail against what he is not, becaause he thinks, knows he is good enough to be, should be that thing he yearns for,  here and now, becaue he is ready for it to be part of,  or to let it go from,  his life?  Or is he simply imitating the actions of the Father modeled for him over all those years?

Do the 'Sins of the Father' sound like this?

"You can be more, you can do more, you should do more, show me more, give me more, you are more,  try harder, reach further, do better, Always Be More"

And Then -

"I can be more, I should be more, I should have been more, I could have been more, I will be more, I will do more, I will become more, I will not be silent and still"

Ultimately, though there is no personal payoff in mayterdom or self-flaggelation, it only leads us as this has, in circles.  For I was that child upon whom the 'Sins of the Father' were perpurtrated, and I am that parent who has in turn, purpurtrated those same 'Sins' and I now have children whom I must watch in their own daily rituals of self-torture, and it has taken this, sadly, all, for me to see things clearly.  My self crucifxition and the mirror image I now encounter daily in my children as they do the same, does Nothing to bring us closer to Who, What and Where we want to be.  It Serves No Purpose, save perhaps other than to present a distraction from the real work that lay at hand  before each of us.  And maybe that was the point all along. 

For I Believe Everything Here Returns to That One Simple Statement:

 "Those Things That Happen To Us In Our Childhood Are Either What We Become Or What We Over Come"

I now see that this is what it has always been about.  It's about how long it takes for us to actually grasp this concept in our lives, to feel the truth of it.  Then it is about how long it takes for us to decide which parts we want to be and which parts we want to overcome or let go of.  Once we are able to do that, there are no more  "Sins Perpertrated', because we carry no more sins within.  The Cycle is then broken, Our Reach Finally Meets Our Grasp and We Are Freed!