Doing the Hard Work

Copy of October 18th Post

I've been thinking alot lately about the life I'm supposed to be living. You know, figuring out and then fullfilling the purpose I was put here for. My first conclusion is that it's hard to figure out and even harder to acutally do. I have no problem with the self-analysis part, the aquistion of knowledge part, the "fact finding", but when it comes down to actually doing and being, I sorta fall off the wagon, as it were. It seems like we are all very busy, multi-tasking and juggling and balancing each aspect of our lives. We seem to rate our success in life on how well we can manage to keep it all going at once. Unfortunately, it seems like alot of us loose our sense of self and purpose in the process.

Even those of us who are somewhat self aware and take the time and effort to attempt to enlighten ourselves and our way of being, still at times feel as if we are getting nowhere or just plain not getting it. I came to the realization that, at least for me, the problem is two-fold. Part of the problem is that often times we approach our enlightenment, our life purpose in the same way as all the other tasks and responsibilities in our lives. It becomes something that we add to the list and juggle along with everything else, instead of it making it the fundamental, underlying force in our lives.

The second aspect of the problem is that part where we loose our sense of self. Or perhaps we aren't willing to take the time to be all of what we hold inside ourselves. I now know that there is a large part of myself that I have denied all of my life and I continue to refuse to allow it to come forward and be present as part of who I am. Part of it is fear, fear that I won't be understood or accepted by others, fear that if I put all of myself out there, it just won't be good enough or worse yet that I will ultimately fail at being me. But I also now realize that I will continue to remain stuck right here, going no further in my personal evolution, and never attain and live my lifes purpose if I don't let what I truly am be revealed and come forth in my life.

So how do we do this? Well, obviously the first step is to look within and find that part of who we truly are that we withhold from ourselves and others. This doesn't mean at this point you have to know what your life purpose is, you only need to acknowledge, recognize the parts of you that you have kept seperate and blocked off from the rest of your life. Once I'd done an honest inventory and identified that part of me I was hiding from the world, I decided to try to show it, let it leak out a little bit at a time, into the rest of my life. I made a commitment to myself that I would try to use that part of myself, display a little of it, everyday, in some part of my daily actions, routine and encounters with others.

I know by incorporating this into my daily way of being, I will begin to feel more whole and complete and at peace with myself. I have complete faith and confidence that in doing this, my purpose, the reason I was put on this earth, in this life, will gradually come to me with crystal clarity. It can be no other way, because we are meant to live as whole individuals, to use all the parts of ourselves, all our gifts and tools we brought with us to this lifetime. It's scary, and its difficult because it takes effort, energy and commitment. It's also exciting, amazing and thrilling to discover a little more of ourselves each day. The best part is what is yet to come, there is no feeling as intense and undescribable as how one feels when fully engaged and living your lifes purpose.

I believe the quote from St. Thomas says it all , "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you". It's hard to believe it can be that simple, and even harder to act upon, but when we do, the rewards are immesurable.