Living With Conscious Intention and Faith

Copy of September 20th Blog

Thoughts on our place in life . . .
One of my most favorite books ever, as shown on my book list , is Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. Although I will admit that some of it comes across as self rationalized justification, based on the belief that its all ok and on some higher spiritual level every choice and act balances out in the end, I did find that at the age of 27, it changed my life totally, completely and irrevocibaly. Two things mainly hit me at my core. One was the feeling I felt while reading the book that this was all stuff I already knew, it was like I was remembering everything, the way things truely are. It was like having something I'd always felt and known, without even realizing it, put into words.
The second thing was Gary's theory or philosophy of living your life with conscious intention, thereby creating and moving forward with each act, yet at the same time, remaining unattached to the outcome. I began living my life, thinking my thoughts in a completely new way from that moment forward. Seat of the Soul showed me I can drift through life unconsciously, missing my goals and wondering why I seem to keep ending up in the same scenarios, making the same choices, having the same experiences over and over (which is what will continue to happen until you finally "get the lesson" that is being given to you), or that I can wake up and pay attention to the choices being offered me. I can live consciously, with total awareness, making deliberate, intentional decisions and choices. If you are able to live your life consciously and intentionally, you don't really have to worry, struggle, manipulate and manuver to get everything to fall into the place of some long term (or short term) plan you may have. Even years before reading this, on some level I was able to untuit the irrationality of it. I once tryed to illustrate this through a poem I'd written many years before. I can't remember the whole thing, just the line that went "he was a man, blind from birth, trying to paint a picture of a shade of green that he'd never even seen". To me as a 17 year old, that was an analogy for how people get a picture in their mind of how things have to turn out, not realizing that as long as they start out with a picture and a required outcome, they will always be disappointed because nothing ever comes out exactly the way we plan. The tighter you cling to the end result or picture, the more disappointments you encounter. On the other hand, If you can always ask yourself, what do I want from this, why am I making this choice, where will this descision take me, is this something I want or need to experience, is this going to take me closer to what I want to be about, then you will most often be satisfied with whatever you end up with.
The most difficult part of it, the "trick" as it were, is finding the balance between having and holding on very loosely to your goals or direction or purpose, keeping it in sight without drifting, and at the same time being very careful, clear and intentional about the choices and decsions you're making along the way. Holding on loosley, without letting go of your awareness, but being willing to let go of whatever it is you thought you absolutely had to attain while being open to a completely new option that may unexpectedly present itself. And after all that, also learning how to see and accept what you ended ap with instead.
In addition, I have developed a very unique, strong faith that I push on no one, however there is a belief, a way of percieving events that I have come to believe in, which has made an incredible difference in my ability to deal with and accept the things life sometimes throws at my feet.
I believe the bottom line is that God wants us to be happy and to reach a place of light and enlightenment. I believe that he always hands us, shows us, gives us, directs us towards the easiest, lightest and most direct path, if only we will stop, look and listen. Unfortunately there is that nasty little issue of free will, and we as humans tend to be stubborn, willful and single minded. More often than not, its not that (god allows) bad things happen to us, but that we unconsciously, unintentinonally, choose the more difficult path. Other times, things happen the way they do because there is a higher plan, we are being guided, and sometimes, just like small children, things have to be done differently then we may think we want, because thats whats best for us.
I learned that we are all part of and connected to something much larger and more intricate then each of our brief, blink of a life. That sometimes , even when we are completely awake and aware, things go in a completely differrent, sometimes uncomfortable and personally painful direction for us and that thats ok. Ultimately it will come back to heal us whether we are aware of it immediately or not. Sometimes things we can't understand or comprehend need to occur in order for us or someone else to become closer to whole, to heal and to accomplish their purpose for this ride.
When I feel like I've done my best and I still am not where I think I'm supposed to be, I remind myself that sometimes things occur for reasons that I simply will never be privy to. I console myself with the knowledge and deep seated belief that every single event has a reason and a purpose. Even if things don't at this immediate juncture seem to be turning out the way I think they need to be, its OK. Everything is connected, interdependent and serves a larger purpose that is unfolding exactly as it should and there is a place in the middle of all of it thats all mine and is a perfect fit. As long as I remain conscious of my intentions, choices and decisions and remain open and flexible to the outcome, I'm always precisely where I'm supposed to be.